faliq gay

Faliqh's Journey: Reconciling Faith, Identity, and Love as an Openly Gay Malay Man in Singapore

In a world often quick to categorize and define, individuals who navigate intersecting identities face unique challenges and triumphs. This is the compelling story of Faliqh, an openly gay Malay man in Singapore, whose personal journey beautifully illustrates the complexities of reconciling religious faith with sexual orientation, the profound impact of family acceptance, and the vital role of community support.

Faliqh's narrative resonates far beyond the shores of Singapore, offering a beacon of hope and understanding for countless others grappling with similar internal and external conflicts. It's a testament to resilience, the power of self-acceptance, and the unwavering strength found in authentic connection.

"Sometimes, you can only get better after getting burnt. Because it pushes you to take a step forward. Not backwards."

- Faliqh

Early Struggles: The Weight of Expectations and Internal Conflict

Born into a deeply religious Malay family in Singapore, Faliqh's upbringing was steeped in Islamic traditions and values. Like many, he was raised with the understanding that heterosexual relationships were the only path sanctioned by his faith. This foundational belief set the stage for a profound internal struggle when, at the tender age of 15, he first recognized feelings of same-sex attraction.

Imagine the confusion and distress. A young Faliqh, disturbed by these burgeoning feelings, sought solace and guidance from a school teacher. His attempt to confide, however, unexpectedly escalated, leading to discussions with his parents. His mother, heartbroken and anxious for his spiritual well-being, embarked on a desperate quest for a "cure." This period saw Faliqh attending counselling sessions, meeting religious figures, and engaging in intense personal prayers, all with one fervent hope: to "pray the gay away."

For an agonizing year, Faliqh wrestled with the immense guilt and fear. He was haunted by the admonition that acting on his feelings could lead to severe spiritual repercussions. This relentless pressure to conform to a heterosexual identity, however, only deepened his misery, pushing him into a dark abyss of self-condemnation. "I felt bitter," he later recalled, believing he had somehow disappointed his family and his faith.

His father, in contrast, adopted a different approach, often trying to circumvent the topic or act as a mediator, subtly advocating for his son's space amidst his mother's fervent concerns. This dynamic offered Faliqh a small but crucial buffer, hinting at a potential pathway to understanding, even if not immediate acceptance.

A Turning Point: Discovering Visible LGBTQ+ Role Models

As Faliqh transitioned from secondary school to polytechnic, a significant shift began to occur. For the first time, he encountered openly gay individuals in his immediate environment - confident seniors who lived authentically without shame. This exposure proved to be a pivotal moment. Seeing others embrace their sexuality, seemingly without the internal torment he had known, planted a seed of courage within him.

While his initial coming out attempts in secondary school had been met with homophobia and strained friendships, the polytechnic environment offered a renewed sense of possibility. Cautiously, he broached the subject with close female friends. Their response was overwhelmingly positive, a refreshing wave of surprise mixed with genuine support. This acceptance, from his peers, proved to be an invaluable boost to his confidence, empowering him to gradually embrace his true self and begin dating men.

Finding Professional Support: The Lifeline of Oogachaga

Despite these strides, the lingering tension between his faith and sexuality continued to cause Faliqh significant anxiety. He understood the importance of professional guidance, and it was through a friend's recommendation that he discovered Oogachaga, a non-profit organization dedicated to supporting the LGBTQ+ community in Singapore.

His sessions with Bryan Choong, then the Executive Director of Oogachaga, became a transformative experience. Bryan provided a safe, non-judgmental space for Faliqh to articulate his deepest fears and pour out his "hot mess" of emotions. Crucially, Bryan didn't just offer coping mechanisms; he also presented Faliqh with scholarly articles and alternative interpretations of Islam that challenged the rigid dogma Faliqh had internalized. This intellectual and emotional validation was profoundly liberating, helping him to reconcile his faith with his identity.

Over a year and a half of intermittent counselling, Faliqh systematically dismantled the inner demons that had plagued him for so long. He learned to navigate the complex interplay of his religious beliefs and his inherent sexual orientation, finding a path towards personal peace and integration. Oogachaga, for Faliqh, was more than just a counselling service; it was a sanctuary, a "safe zone" where he could finally express himself without shame or guilt. He emphasizes the critical need for such specialized support services, particularly in contexts where broader societal acceptance may lag.

Love, Acceptance, and a Fulfilling Life: Faliqh Today

Today, Faliqh stands as a testament to resilience and self-acceptance. He is in a stable, loving relationship with his boyfriend, Kaal, a partnership that has flourished for over five years. Their shared story, particularly the love and support they've received from their families - especially Kaal's mother - highlights the profound impact of familial acceptance on the well-being of LGBTQ+ individuals.

Beyond his personal life, Faliqh's professional and creative pursuits thrive. He holds a double degree from Murdoch University and contributes significantly to the LGBTQ+ community as the Centre Manager at Oogachaga. In his free time, he embraces his passions for cooking, baking, and crafting intricate felt dolls, even running an online business for his creations. His story is a vibrant portrait of a life lived authentically and joyfully.

Faliqh's mother, who once struggled with his sexuality, has also evolved in her understanding and acceptance. While occasional religious verses might still be quoted, her overall demeanor has shifted dramatically, often supported by his father's consistent role as a family mediator, advocating for Faliqh's space and autonomy. This gradual but significant shift in parental attitudes underscores the potential for growth and acceptance within families over time.

Challenging Misconceptions and Inspiring Others

When asked about the biggest misconception straight people hold about the gay community, Faliqh's answer is simple yet profound: "A lot of straight people think we are different from them. Frankly speaking, we are really not very different from straight people. We are capable of loving people as much as they do. We bleed as they do if we get injured." This powerful statement cuts through prejudice, emphasizing shared humanity over perceived differences.

His journey offers invaluable advice to anyone struggling with their sexuality: "Sometimes, you can only get better after getting burnt. Because it pushes you to take a step forward. Not backwards." This speaks to the transformative power of adversity and the necessity of confronting one's truths, even when painful.

Faliqh's willingness to share his deeply personal story is an act of profound courage and generosity. It serves as a vital source of inspiration, particularly for young Malay and Muslim individuals grappling with their sexual identity in culturally conservative environments. His narrative demonstrates that it is possible to navigate complex identities, find love, build a fulfilling life, and even contribute significantly to the community, all while remaining true to oneself.

The Indispensable Role of Support Organizations like Oogachaga

Faliqh's story powerfully underscores the indispensable role of organizations like Oogachaga. For nearly a decade, he felt lost, trying desperately to please everyone else while neglecting his own well-being. The "disconnect" he experienced with previous, less specialized counsellors highlights the unique needs of the LGBTQ+ community. Oogachaga provided a tailored, understanding, and affirming environment crucial for his healing and self-discovery.

Operated by a dedicated team of professional counsellors and trained volunteers, Oogachaga addresses a wide spectrum of issues, including coming out, identity formation, relationship challenges, mental health concerns, family dynamics, loneliness, discrimination, and more. Their existence fills a critical void, providing a lifeline for individuals who might otherwise feel isolated and without recourse.

Key Takeaways from Faliqh's Story:

Faliqh's story is not just his own; it's a narrative that contributes to a larger tapestry of courage and authenticity within the global LGBTQ+ community. By openly discussing his challenges and triumphs, he not only advocates for himself but also illuminates a path for others to follow, reminding us all that there is no shame in seeking help and every reason to live authentically.

If Faliqh's journey resonates with you or someone you know, remember that support exists. Organizations like Oogachaga are dedicated to providing the safe spaces and professional guidance necessary for navigating identity, fostering mental well-being, and building a life of profound purpose and joy.